Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Rexsname

Explorer
Another kick in the teeth

I just got a cancellation letter from a huge fair. Last year we grossed almost 14K in a ten day event. Now that hope is gone, I just dont know how I will make it. I just dont know.......

I may end up losing the house as well as my sanity
Kellymoe,

I'm sorry to hear about your pain and the need for meds. But I'm glad to hear that you seem to be doing so much better. I hope you continue to improve. Its good to hear about someone else catching a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

REX
 

mtn-high

Observer
I'm sorry to hear of your pain, kellymoe.

PLEASE be careful with the Vicodins/etc.

I know the drill on back pain, tho I've not let 'em cut on me they would really like to get in there. DDD and a lifetime of physical labor has taken it's toll and my neck/back take turns tossing me pain on a daily basis.

I took their pills too...and I got seriously addicted as a result. After years of recreational drinking and drugging I *thought* I could handle anything that was tossed my way....but wow...the oxy just plain kicked my *** and had me in it's grip like nothing else I'd ever ingested.

4 years of addiction followed. Yeah...it's legal...but I realized that I was a junkie just the same when I had to turn around on the family vacation and head back home because I SOMEHOW drove off and forgot my pills and I knew that if I didn't take em I'd go into withdrawals...

I felt like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde....and the only time I felt "normal" was when I was ridin' on a good dose...

I finally had enough. Went to my doc and asked him if he'd consider medical marijuana as a substitute or a way to lessen the narco dosages. Being a classic pill-pusher doc...he refused...and actually freaked out and told me that if I smoked marijuana I might "become impaired"! Say what? I'm a JUNKIE and you fear I'll be HIGH? Wow. What an idiot.

So I FIRED HIM on the spot. Of course, by doing so I cut myself off from my narcs and went into full-blown opiate withdrawal that was VERY scary... but after 4 days I came out of it and felt REBORN.

I found a new doctor....and I'm now a legal "med patient" and life has never been better. I gained back most of the 40 pounds I lost while on the oxy and all other aspects of my life have also righted themselves. (mood/appettite/sex drive/hope)

I see you're a fireman. Unfortunately our society still has a serious misunderstanding about this drug and it's benefits in the non-recreational arena and many employers are not yer onboard as far as viewing the use of this drug in the workplace in the same light as say..Vicodin. Sadly, you can take all the Vic you want and not even remember having that water hose in your hand but if they find THC in your system from a joint you smoked after work it is more than likely going to be a problem.

This needs to change. Again..."idiots".

Anyway...sorry to clog yer thread...I just needed to get that out and tell my story. Many folks don't agree with medical marijuana use...but then again...they may not have ever been an addict and to me/from that position...they know NOT what they speak of and their viewpoints are moot until they've walked in these shoes. (We'll see how tough they are THEN..huh? LOL)

be safe, be well all.

mtn-high
 
Last edited:

kellymoe

Expedition Leader
mtn-high said:
I'm sorry to hear of your pain, kellymoe.

PLEASE be careful with the Vicodins/etc.

I know the drill on back pain, tho I've not let 'em cut on me they would really like to get in there. DDD and a lifetime of physical labor has taken it's toll and my neck/back take turns tossing me pain on a daily basis.

I took their pills too...and I got seriously addicted as a result. After years of recreational drinking and drugging I *thought* I could handle anything that was tossed my way....but wow...the oxy just plain kicked my *** and had me in it's grip like nothing else I'd ever ingested.

4 years of addiction followed. Yeah...it's legal...but I realized that I was a junkie just the same when I had to turn around on the family vacation and head back home because I SOMEHOW drove off and forgot my pills and I knew that if I didn't take em I'd go into withdrawals...

I felt like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde....and the only time I felt "normal" was when I was ridin' on a good dose...

I finally had enough. Went to my doc and asked him if he'd consider medical marijuana as a substitute or a way to lessen the narco dosages. Being a classic pill-pusher doc...he refused...and actually freaked out and told me that if I smoked marijuana I might "become impaired"! Say what? I'm a JUNKIE and you fear I'll be HIGH? Wow. What an idiot.

So I FIRED HIM on the spot. Of course, by doing so I cut myself off from my narcs and went into full-blown opiate withdrawal that was VERY scary... but after 4 days I came out of it and felt REBORN.

I found a new doctor....and I'm now a legal "med patient" and life has never been better. I gained back most of the 40 pounds I lost while on the oxy and all other aspects of my life have also righted themselves. (mood/appettite/sex drive/hope)

I see you're a fireman. Unfortunately our society still has a serious misunderstanding about this drug and it's benefits in the non-recreational arena and many employers are not yer onboard as far as viewing the use of this drug in the workplace in the same light as say..Vicodin. Sadly, you can take all the Vic you want and not even remember having that water hose in your hand but if they find THC in your system from a joint you smoked after work it is more than likely going to be a problem.

This needs to change. Again..."idiots".

Anyway...sorry to clog yer thread...I just needed to get that out and tell my story. Many folks don't agree with medical marijuana use...but then again...they may not have ever been an addict and to me/from that position...they know NOT what they speak of and their viewpoints are moot until they've walked in these shoes. (We'll see how tough they are THEN..huh? LOL)

be safe, be well all.

mtn-high

I absolutely agree with you. My concern with the vicodin is not so much the dependency but the amount of Tylenol intake. Tylenol takes a toll on the liver and kidneys after a while. I take blood tests about every 6 weeks just to keep an eye on it and so far so good. I tried methadone for pain for a month and while it worked it made me feel like crap. I stopped taking that and had withdrawals immediately, so I tapered off over a week and was fine after that. My doc gave me slow release morphine pills which take the edge off and have very little to no "high" effect and it lets me take less vicodin. Now down to 2 1/2 to 3 vicodin a day and hoping to get off them completely. The slow release morphine pills release over 24 hours and have no Tylenol.

If I didnt work for the fire dept. I would be all over the med marijuana. A co workers father died of cancer recently and he used marijuana for the pain and it made all the difference. Marijuana has a stigma which I believe is totally unfounded. As a paramedic I see the terrible affects of alcohol everyday. In the last 20 years I cant recall one domestic dispute or violent crime that was caused by marijuana. Alcohol is a much more destructive drug on our society.
 

Rexsname

Explorer
I had my first counselling appointment this morning. I dont know how well it went but I feel better having made the effort to go. The counselor was easy to talk to and made me feel quite abit better.

The good news is that Carrie may be out tomorrow on a reduced bond. I love her more than oxygen, I'm working hard to make this happen.

REX
 
Rexsname said:
I had my first counselling appointment this morning. I dont know how well it went but I feel better having made the effort to go. The counselor was easy to talk to and made me feel quite abit better.

The good news is that Carrie may be out tomorrow on a reduced bond. I love her more than oxygen, I'm working hard to make this happen.

REX

That is Fantastic!
 

Dredzilla

Observer
That is Awesome Rex!! glad to hear it!! It looks like that things are improving for you, I am glad to hear it.

I know in my life things normally get worse before they get better, and currently that is the case. Had the split with the mother of my daughter, and the ensuing custody fight. but had some good info from the Docs, and physical therapist today. So one day at a time and I am very happy to hear that your doing better!!
 

Rexsname

Explorer
A note from Carrie

:wings: Hi to all, I am FINALY OUT..... Thank you for ALL your Prayers and support, I had a bail of $750,000.00 Cash only when I was first incarcerated. NO I did not murder anyone, It is because I happen tp have a diplomatic passport from when I was performing with the Moscow Circus (For those of you who don't know I happen to be a Ringling Bros. Clown) It was reduced to 50,000 bondable and with your prayers and support for me and my husband I truly Thank all of you. He has been suffering for a very long time and this forum has greatly relieved some of his stress and for that I am greatly greatful that you were there for him. Im home now and it will be a long battle in the court, But again I am home and I am here for him. Words cant express how much this friendship has helped my husband in his time of need. God Bless, we will pray for all of you as well

Carrie
 

kellymoe

Expedition Leader
This is the best news I have heard in a long time. Rex and Carrie, you have been in my prayers since this thread started and will continue to be. Rex, please keep us updated on how you are doing.


On another note, I have had about the crappiest week I have had in about a year. Things just seem to be piling up and feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. Work issues, back pain is worse, my back injury is a result of going through the roof at a fir and now work comp wont pay for pain management. In the last 3 years I have paid out $14k out of my own pocket to deal with the pain. As I told my wife, i don't question God through all this or ask why. It just plain old sucks. Up until 10 days ago I was emotionally feeling great but now I have been in a tail spin of sorts. The one positive thing is that I am greatly looking forward to a trip to Coyote Flats on the 23-26 of July. A year ago I would not have even been able to look forward to a trip or something enjoyable. Say a prayer for me. I'm at work for the next 48 hours and will check in from time to time.

Kevin
 

grahamfitter

Expedition Leader
Rexsname said:
:wings: Hi to all, I am FINALY OUT..... Thank you for ALL your Prayers and support, I had a bail of $750,000.00 Cash only when I was first incarcerated. NO I did not murder anyone, It is because I happen tp have a diplomatic passport from when I was performing with the Moscow Circus (For those of you who don't know I happen to be a Ringling Bros. Clown) It was reduced to 50,000 bondable and with your prayers and support for me and my husband I truly Thank all of you. He has been suffering for a very long time and this forum has greatly relieved some of his stress and for that I am greatly greatful that you were there for him. Im home now and it will be a long battle in the court, But again I am home and I am here for him. Words cant express how much this friendship has helped my husband in his time of need. God Bless, we will pray for all of you as well

Carrie


That's great news! Good luck for what comes next...

Cheers,
Graham
 

njtaco

Explorer
Prayers going up...

Praying up thanks for Carrie coming home, for Rex to get well, and for Kellymoe (Kevin) for relief from pain...and for them and all the others in this thread to be strong, healed, and positive. God Bless :sunny:
 

Rexsname

Explorer
Kevin (Kellymoe),

Carrie and I will continue in prayer for you. Having a trip to look forward to will probably help to cheer you up and make you feel better.

It feels SO good to feel better.

REX
 

kellymoe

Expedition Leader
Thanks for the prayers everyone. Just the fact that things are going good for Rex and Carrie give me something positive to think about.

Keep the prayers up, and for you non praying types I could use your good thoughts:)
 

mtn-high

Observer
kellymoe said:
I absolutely agree with you. My concern with the vicodin is not so much the dependency but the amount of Tylenol intake. Tylenol takes a toll on the liver and kidneys after a while. I take blood tests about every 6 weeks just to keep an eye on it and so far so good. I tried methadone for pain for a month and while it worked it made me feel like crap. I stopped taking that and had withdrawals immediately, so I tapered off over a week and was fine after that. My doc gave me slow release morphine pills which take the edge off and have very little to no "high" effect and it lets me take less vicodin. Now down to 2 1/2 to 3 vicodin a day and hoping to get off them completely. The slow release morphine pills release over 24 hours and have no Tylenol.

If I didnt work for the fire dept. I would be all over the med marijuana. A co workers father died of cancer recently and he used marijuana for the pain and it made all the difference. Marijuana has a stigma which I believe is totally unfounded. As a paramedic I see the terrible affects of alcohol everyday. In the last 20 years I cant recall one domestic dispute or violent crime that was caused by marijuana. Alcohol is a much more destructive drug on our society.

Kevin

I'm pullin for ya, man. I can see the pain in your words and I see the reaction it is having on your life. You are fortunate to have someone who loves you in your life to help you through..but even that can be stressful because BOTH parties feel inadequate and helpless when yer riding "The Pain Train".

I know you don't know me..but wow...from reading your words I can see that we've held the same mirror and have seen the same reflections tossed back at us.

I started on Vicodins..5/500. Tylenol has always given me a good WHAP to the gut but I put up with it for the first part of my "pain management" (addiction) because..well..you know how it is..you'll simply do ANYTHING to stop that pain..even temporarily.

Once I got used to the knockdown and the buzz the pills gave me I put up with the nausea and the upset stomach the Tylenol gave me *just* prior to the opiates hitting my system . After that happened...all was well...or so I told myself.

Like you..2000-3000+ mg of Tylenol a day concerned me...and when I complained about stomach upset my doc put me on Norco...5/325, the lowest dosage combo of Tylenol/opiate.....but after awile he ratcheted my dosage to 8 pills a day and I was back eating a bunch of Tylenol. It was then that he put me on the oxycodone IR(instant release) 5 mg pills....containing no Tylenol whatsoever.

I was getting 200 a month... and for awhile there near the end I was taking *anything else* anyone would hand me that had opiates in them. Uhhhuuum.

What we will do to ourselves for a bit of relief is staggering...and the burdens society places upon us for seeking relief is shameful...such as the stigma in the jobplace with marijuana when used in this same light.

And hey..I must admit that the BRAINWASHING *is* complete in America... because as someone who has smoked pot as both a teen and an adult "recreationally" (aka, illegally) it took ME awhile to lose *the stigma* you speak of even as a legal patient and I kept the fact I was smoking daily hidden for a year+ from family and casual friends because I didn't want any fallout for the wife @ work/etc.

However, changes will not be made in laws and more importantly..in that stigma you speak of if regular/good folks out there (like the people who read this board) don't hear some of the "success" stories that I hear everyday as a patient.

Anyway..just watch out for that opiate suckerpunch.

PM's are always open, FWIW.

mtn-high
 

vengeful

Explorer
Rex,

I'm very glad to hear that Carrie is out and home now. Keep plugging and well keep pulling for ya.

Kevin,

Sorry to hear about your troublesome week man. I can't really offerany personal insight, but I'm definitely pulling for ya, too.
 

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